healing with anxiety, facing the shadow to turn to the light
☆ ☾ ☆
What are you bringing on your journey?
What are you setting aside?
What do you seek to change and shift?
Who do you dream of becoming?
☆ ☾ ☆
[from the Lunar Apothecary welcome notes]
I'm taking Worts & Cunning's Lunar Apothecary course. A reminder came through to me, twice over and with an extra blessing so it felt right. I'm nervous about it, anxious and still trying to process why. I work with herbs all the time, I feel my connection to them deeply- they are a comfort not a stressor. Perhaps it is that I'm aware of what deeper knowledge requires of me- using it, sharing it. A much deeper issue, as always.
A lot of my solarplexus healing work is happening around my work as a healer- about stepping into my power as a healer and welcoming opportunity with wide arms rather than a tentative grasp.
A step further, to see myself as powerful and to let others see me.
To affirm myself, and receive affirmation- and believe it.
Anxiety in my healing work manifests as an uncomfortable dance between the 9 of Swords and the 9 of Pentacles.
Siobhan in her most recent Face Up Tarot column articulated it exactly: "Now people are watching. Now people are noticing. I wasn’t used to it, because I wasn’t used to getting into the rope." I am being seen, I am being noticed, and sometimes I want nothing but to hide in the shadows and keep it all to myself just as much as I want to revel in being seen and be dynamic and vibrant.
I'm slowly teasing it out.
What does it mean to allow myself the knowledge and work of healer, even as I dance with the 9 of Swords?
How do I create space for the divine femme sitting content with self in 9 of pentacles to take the lead?
My 9 of Pentacles divine femme leads best when I'm doing the work. She rises as I soothe my 9 of Swords equally divine femme with tea, crystals, talismans, and meditations, rocking her back to sleep.
In this way, I do the work I'm called to and it's gotta be okay that I do it for myself first. I woudn't know how to for others if I didn't.
To step into my light, I first face my shadow. I just have to remember to turn around after.