Breaking My Heart Open, on purpose
I should have known what this spread had in store for me when I named it after a Mary J. Blige album (you should totally get your life and listen to The Breakthrough by the way). The best parts of the album tell a story of love- yes, born out of trauma and pain (and I've got all kinds of thoughts swirling about why Black woman music genius all too often comes from deep shadow)- but it's not about that, it's about breaking through enough to learn how to revel in hope, joy, happiness, love, pleasure... for yourself. And then from nourishing and filling up that well so that you give from the overflow.
What would it mean to break my heart open? Breaking my heart open for myself, letting all the contents pour out, and feeling safe and secure enough to hold that in my hands (and how deep is that, having so long held others hearts for them I'd forgotten how to hold my own safely?) to share with those I can now recognize as worthy of that gift.
The Student of Vessels holds the jar in the Ace and adds their own magic into it- literally pours their heart out.
Learning to love, and share that love with others deeply, intimately. I'll admit that for a long time mine has been guarded (and with good reason) and now that my medicine requires it, I need to release it and be open and know that the pain and lessons of the past do not need to actively stop me before.
It's not asking for an ignorance of past painful experience- a rose remains so- even with thorns, but those who know and are careful get to the sweet scent and enjoy and all the better for it. So for the sake of them I can hold my heart in my hands and know that it's safe. It's a challenge while Venus is in retrograde but all signs point to the road being open.