1) What in my world has reached its end? ACE OF FEATHERS.
Stop. Just stop for a minute. When I'm feeling stuck or frustrated my two modes are shutdown or throw myself into something new. Here with the Ace of Feathers positioned in what needs to end is a message to stop seeking new opportunities or new spaces or new connections. My attention is needed where I already am, on what I already have around me. Sometimes we run or retreat to avoid dealing with the shit right in front of us. Avoidance is a defense mechanism, yes, but not all defense mechanisms continue to be healing.
The current challenge I've set myself is time management. And so I've been going in search of new tools and resources and supports when it looks like what I need to evaluate and adjust I already have. I can bring in new planners, loggers, practices as much as I like but without dealing with what is causing me to have such a difficult time with time management (and all its connections to follow through, consistency, structure, and reliability - peep that Emperor later in the reading), I'm frankly going nowhere and making no progress.
2) What tools are available to help me grieve? GODDESS OF FEATHERS.
Tending to what is already present. The Goddess of Feathers, traditionally the Queen of Wands shows up for the second time this week. At the time I noted that she asked me to grow intentionally. Tend to my goals like I would a garden. Let it take time, weed out the unnecessary, adapt to sudden setbacks, and harvest at just the right time. The going is slow but it's worth it. Fiery as she is, as caretaker of transformative fire she moves with intensity rather than just plain speed.
3) What does this release make space for? THE FOOL.
Being open to the new spaces being created. If I am to fall, let the fall be one of acceptance, let my body release and stop fighting. I don't have to reinvent the wheel, I don't have to force new interest or direction, I can just be. Let the new spaces emerge as they will in my world. Releasing the need to box and label every little thing in my world opens me up to my world. I can appreciate with deeper intention. Really savor the moment. The wonder of innocence is something that has always felt distant, unreachable to me after trauma. So what would it take to see myself and how I am in this world from this new perspective? I need to sit with this one a while.
4) What waits for me in the vortex between death & rebirth? PHILOSOPHER OF MOONS.
I feel the resistance to this card in my mind, body, heart, soul all of that. Which means that everything I'm resisting its true.
It's never fun to acknowledge that even the little things that we can't seem to get past are tied to those big big mountains we're worn from climbing. Though it's often true. And eventually unavoidable. So I can only move in gratitude and ask for strength.
5) What seeks deeper expression? THE EMPEROR.
Oh. You. Only the card I've been working with for the last month. Only my birth card. Only the mountains I just referred to. After the eye-rolling came the acceptance, and even a smile. Tarot is a mirror, and affirmation that I'm doing the work that needs to be done, and have been doing for awhile, is divine. The gratitude flows easier.
6) What roots this desire in mind, body, and soul? TWO OF FEATHERS.
The need to move forward, the knowledge that there is so much more on the other side of this particular mountain. Once again its that message of having the resources available and not being sure what the mean or how to use them to move forward in a generative and nourishing way.
7) What tools are available to help me tend it? THREE OF SWORDS.
Somewhere in the ether an ancestor is jumping up and down and screaming "STOP AVOIDING YOUR SHIT!" Or at least that's what it feels like after this reading. This particular mountain needs tools of the mind, body, and heart. So back to the drawing board I go. And by drawing board I mean ancestors altar, journal, and a whole lot more tarot exploration.
I hear you ancestors.